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Two years ago my partner and I were amidst a real estate deal that fell through at the last second. Everyone in our city moves on September 1.

We were off the moving schedule, so the immediate options for vacant apartments were scarce. We loved the neighborhood, we loved the culture, and we were happy with our temporary spot.

In this new neighborhood there was an abundance of massage parlors. In a one-mile radius of our home, there were at least 10 of these little massage parlors, possibly more.

My partner explained that happy endings at these types of massage parlors were actually real things. It really happened.

The concept of the happy ending became a running joke with us. Each time we passed one of these little massage parlors, we would make note of the patrons entering and exiting and imagine their home lives, what they were feeling, what their partners must think, all those things.

We would also imagine how awkward it must be to get a hand job at a massage parlor. Was there some secret signal?

Was it part of every massage package offered? How did the masseuse know a happy ending was requested?

Was it on the checklist? Areas you would like us to work: shoulders, neck, and my dick. Our google searches led us to rubmaps.

No secret signals were listed either. With all our talking, imagining, pretending, and google searching, my partner started to get intrigued.

Would you be mad? I would think it was awesome. He felt the same, plus he would be the one getting the happy ending, so it was an added bonus for him.

The idea bounced around between us a lot. The conversations were never contentious in anyway, it was more us joking about when he would do it.

There is a lot of humor in our lives, and this was part of it. As we talked about it more, he asked if I would consider it cheating. No, I did not consider it cheating to get a happy ending.

It was just a hand job from a stranger, in a controlled setting. There would be no affair, there would be no emotional connection, there would be no back alley hooker, there would be no penetration.

A happy ending seemed like nothing to me as long as he was completely upfront about it and was not sneaking around. If he was going behind my back to get happy endings, I would be upset.

We talked about it a lot, and joked about it a lot. If he did decide to go through with it, it would not feel like cheating to either of us.

Rather, the quest for a happy ending felt like this secret spy mission, this experiment. He had my full consent, I just asked to know every detail. After a year, we were ready to get back to the city.

Moving day was approaching, and he was very overwhelmed with the change. Moving is always very difficult for him. A friend was over helping us pack, my partner was pacing around in circles completely unable to participate in the moving process with his thoughts scrambled around in his head.

A massage may clear your head, and your back has really been hurting. I had made this suggestion to him many times, but this time was different.

Look around aimlessly—the walls, the ceiling, the floor, anything but the girls working. When you're finally approached and asked if you want a massage , you should simply grunt, nod your head, and continue to look around.

Sometimes you'll be asked if you have ever been to a massage parlor before, in which case you should say no and don't really know how this works.

You will be asked how long you want the massage to be, and the secret here is to be as frugal as possible. Pick the lowest price, because that's just the money that goes to the owner pimp ; the girls make money from tips.

Don't try to be suggestive at this point, because you're just going to come off looking like an idiot, and God forbid the escort doesn't respect you.

When the girl leads you to the room, she'll tell you she needs to go get ready and you should undress and lay down.

Take off everything except your boxers and lay face-down and wait for the girl to come back. Inner Voice : Wow, this place is disgusting, why is the air so damp?

Do I want to know? Penis : Alright, I see ladies. Lots of cleavage too, I'm getting up for this. Inner Voice : Cool it, act nonchalant, we're being approached.

Whore : Hey there, are you interested in a massage? You : Um…yeah sure. I'll just take the half hour massage, what does that include?

Whore : It includes a massage…that's all we do here, is give massages. Penis : Giggidy! This is the most important part of the procedure.

When the girl walks in, you should be relaxed; the fact that you're face down should hide your raging erection caused by the low-cut top she is wearing.

As she starts giving you the most half-assed back massage ever, start the small talk with her. Talk about where she's from, where you're from, really anything other than her milking your cock.

She should pick up on the fact that you really are a rookie at this and will go about explaining the price to you, probably with some sort of happy ending code words.

Inner Voice : Good question, I'm getting tired of listening to her talk about her haircut. Whore : So, do you want me to touch…down there?

Penis : Jackpot! Ask her to give you a verbal menu, how much everything costs and what you get for the price. At this point she'll either encourage you to get more money or simply do the job right there because of the rapport you guys have built up.

Most likely, though, she'll want more money. Tell her you're broke and make up another story about how your pet just died or you just sent all of your money to a Nigerian prince.

If this fails immediately make sure you display the twenty dollar bill. Escorts aren't like normal humans because their senses are trained to recognize the sight and smell of money and they become physically stimulated by it, causing them to throw caution to the wind.

In short, it's like fucking opium to them. She'll succumb eventually and will begin to work her magic. If she doesn't mind the pay cut, you may be able to talk her into taking off her top, allowing you to fondle her while she fondles you.

It's a win-win! If she gives you the option of lotion or no lotion, choose no lotion—that way you get the most for your money, plus you won't need to worry about her using some knock-off lead-based lotion straight out of China that's going to make your dick explode into hives after twenty minutes.

You : So how much is this going to cost? Whore : Alright well I guess I can make an exception, just because you're cute.

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Is this like a formal date? Penis : Who cares, it's all going on the floor. Know why? Because someone is gonna touch me today!! Lee's Oriental Massage Private Bath and Spa is a dead giveaway that you're about to walk in to a massage parlor where yes, sex is literally on the table.

Picture a wild animal walking into a rave—that's your inspiration for the entire time you're at the parlor. Look around aimlessly—the walls, the ceiling, the floor, anything but the girls working.

When you're finally approached and asked if you want a massage , you should simply grunt, nod your head, and continue to look around. Sometimes you'll be asked if you have ever been to a massage parlor before, in which case you should say no and don't really know how this works.

You will be asked how long you want the massage to be, and the secret here is to be as frugal as possible. Pick the lowest price, because that's just the money that goes to the owner pimp ; the girls make money from tips.

Don't try to be suggestive at this point, because you're just going to come off looking like an idiot, and God forbid the escort doesn't respect you.

When the girl leads you to the room, she'll tell you she needs to go get ready and you should undress and lay down. Take off everything except your boxers and lay face-down and wait for the girl to come back.

Inner Voice : Wow, this place is disgusting, why is the air so damp? Do I want to know? Penis : Alright, I see ladies. Lots of cleavage too, I'm getting up for this.

Inner Voice : Cool it, act nonchalant, we're being approached. Whore : Hey there, are you interested in a massage? You : Um…yeah sure. I'll just take the half hour massage, what does that include?

Whore : It includes a massage…that's all we do here, is give massages. Penis : Giggidy! This is the most important part of the procedure.

When the girl walks in, you should be relaxed; the fact that you're face down should hide your raging erection caused by the low-cut top she is wearing.

Of course you can also find plenty of massage salons in the other beach towns like Kata, Karon and Kamala. Just ask yourself: Where do you think most of the young and hot Thai girls go to make the most money?

Of course in Patong where most of the tourists are. If you still feel bored after a few hand jobs from the girls, you may want to try out something different: A ladyboy massage.

Currently in Phuket. Not sure if it is because of the low season but was a bit disappointed with the quality of the girls in the massage parlours.

I have walked passed pretty much every single massage shop in the centre of town. Most of the masseuse are over 40 and if younger they were over weight.

I probably seen a total of cute girls in their 20s. The rest was not really someone I would feel like to pay for sex. My thoughts exactly.

I wondered if I was unlucky and came in the ugly season. On the bright side I am not spending much money….

Usually you see a bunch of girls sitting outside the salon. Lets say you like one, is it possible to go upto her and say you want a massage?

I have heard there is a queue system which may make things awkward. Also going up and asking a woman specifically — will that be too forward or would it be considered insulting to the other lady who is trying to draw your attention to the price sheet?

Best Places for Happy Endings in Patong You are probably not surprised when I tell you that the best beach in Phuket for happy ending massages is Patong — it has by far the highest number of shops and girls.

Bangla Road Bangla Road is the most famous street to enjoy yourself with girls in Patong , but when it comes to massages, the offering is rather average.

Sawatdirak Road The next hot spot in Patong with plenty of happy ending massage salons is Sawatdirak Road in the northern part of town. How about Ladyboy Massages in Patong?

Upon payment of 1, Pesos you will be taken to the introduction lounge and can take a look at the selection of therapists.

Most of them are young, light skinned and very attractive. However, you are expected to tip 1, Pesos so the total price will be 2, Pesos.

Serenity Nuru Spa is located about 3. A tricycle will take you there for Pesos and if you walk there it will take you about minutes. Just walk all the way down Fields Avenue, at one point the street changes its name to Don Juico Avenue and the shophouse with the massage is located on the left hand side on top of the Bank of the Philippine Islands.

Happy Ending Massage on Walking Street You might think that the best place to go for a special massage in Angeles is Walking Street — the epicenter of the nightlife and red light action.

In case things change in the future, I will update this guide. Where To Do It. Best Free Philippines Dating Site. All rights reserved.

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